His chest was aching and there was nothing to do about it, he knew this loneliness wouldn't end no matter how much he tried, it had been there since his mother died in front of his eyes and why did it have to happen?

Hibiki danced, could do nothing but dance, stares following the movements of his body and it was hot and was that a hand on his ass? Slapping the hand away he kept on dancing, couldn't stop moving and the music was pulsing through his body.

Moving his body to the rhythm he saw someone getting close and hey won't you join me for a drink and do you move like that in bed, too and Hibiki was getting pissed off. He just wanted to dance and they were hindering him and when a hand groped him he hit the man so that he landed on the floor and damn now everyone looked at him and why did this have to happen all the time?

His body wanted to keep on dancing but that was impossible now and he turned and ran towards the exit and out into the cold night air of October.

 

Another night, another club, another fast beat and his body was on fire again and god it felt so good because he could only forget when he was dancing, feeling less and less as he kept dancing further and further into the night. Countless of faceless bodies danced together and he was a being, not even human anymore and he didn't know what he was and everyone felt the same and it felt good to be one with the music. Until another hand, another pair of eyes came too close touching, touching too much and he wants to run but can't and he feels like he's drowning but it's not in the music anymore. He ends up drunk at the bar even though he always tells himself not to drink too much again and he's being kissed and it feels wrong, so wrong, but so right and he don't know if he likes it or not, if he wants it or not when he is pulled out of the club and into a car and they don't get further than that and his ass is aching afterward and there's blood on his neck and marks from bites and sucking on his skin everywhere and he knows he don't have any right to complain because he didn't tell the man he didn't even know the name of to stop or be gentler or anything at all. It's not like he's not used to rough sex in the backseat of a car even though it always happens when he's at least half drunk and he knows his body will be okay soon so he doesn't worry except that maybe he should go to the clinic to make sure he hasn't caught anything.

 

When he starts working for Master he don't have enough time to go to clubs anymore, especially not with the old man pretending to be unable to work and that he can't remember and before he knows it, Hibiki likes being there and finds himself smiling and there isn't even any music and he realize he's been tricked into loving the place but he don't feel any anger towards the old man.

 

He gets the time to go when it's not only him anymore, when Mikoto and Sardine are there and they have worked up enough money to buy the old Reve Continuer back and he doesn't think the dance floor is his only escape anymore. He brings Mikoto with him once, when the man is curious to find out where the dark-haired man disappears to at nights but he can see right away that it's not something the koto player is used to. He pulls Mikoto out on the floor but they don't stay for long, he can see the awkward look on the other´s flushed face and they go to a family restaurant that is open around the clock instead and just talk for the rest of the evening until Mikoto yawns one too many times and Hibiki deems it be time for bed and  Kotocchi, you're not used to long nights and there's still work tomorrow  and they leave, parting by a red mail-box beneath a street light.

 

The next morning Mikoto is unusually tired and Sardine keeps on asking  didn't you sleep tonight and is something wrong and why is Hibiki-san looking at me like that it's weird  and Hibiki knows he's grinning.

 

It takes even longer for him to realize that dancing in the café and in his tiny apartment is enough, and then there's the nights when only he and Mikoto are there and they listen to the slow classical music on the stereo as they dance a dance that even Mikoto can manage and they're close and arms around each other as they move steadily and there is so much warmth and Hibiki knows that his heart is not lonely anymore and it doesn't sting anymore when he remember his mother because he's not alone anymore and he's not even the slightest bit lonely when he kisses Mikoto and they're close and he feel bliss for the first time with such simple things like being near the persons he cares for.

He realizes he's happy.

Back to top